Validated

Everyday feels the same. Not in a bad way, just in a Groundhog's Day sort of way. It goes pretty much like this:

• Wake up, let Stanley out, change and feed Peyton
• Eat something myself, feed Stanley, get P dressed
• Watch P play for a while, hand off to Malcolm so I can run on treadmill
• Shower, make P a bottle, feed her and snuggle until she sleeps
• Do laundry or dishes or whatever needs to be done
• Make P's lunch and feed her
• Clean up and play until Peyton is tired enough to take another nap
• Maybe take a trip to Walmart or the library
• Snuggle, etc

And then it's time to put her to bed and clean up from the day. This could be why it doesn't feel like I accomplish much as a stay at home mom.  I feel like the only things I get done are things I'm going to have to do again the next day. Sometimes it feels like I'm not moving forward or backward, I'm just stagnant. Don't get me wrong, I love being Peyton's best buddy and spending time with her, I just don't feel like I accomplish much. However, after watching General Conference this weekend, I feel renewed and refreshed and valuable as a mother. (For anyone who doesn't know what General Conference is, twice a year the Prophet and apostles of the LDS church speak to the members and the world in a live broadcast that we can watch on the internet or at the church on satelite). In the Saturday morning session a talk was given about "enjoying the journey" of life and not being so caught up with being busy. He said some of us wear being too busy like a badge of honor. Which made me wonder why I think being busy = being valuable. My days may not be busy but they are full of meaningful and valuable things.He talked about a woman who was a nurse for patients with chronic illnesses. When her patients were coming close to the end of their lives, she would ask them if they had any regrets. She stated that the most common answer her patients gave was wishing they had spent more time with their families and those they loved.

When they were nearing the end of their lives they realized what was most important: family. I don't want to be on my death bed wishing I had spent more time with Peyton and Malcolm. It just hit me so hard that being a stay at home mom is the one thing I can do that will not leave me with any regrets. I'm sure there are many things I will do as a mom that I will wish I could go back and do over, but spending this valuable time with my girl will never be one of those things.

Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I'm not judging anyone that has to work or wants to work, if things ever changed for us I would need to work as well. I just feel renewed and refreshed and validated with MY decision to stay home.

I truly love being a mother. I waited a long time to have my girl and it's more fulfilling (and exhausting) than I ever imagined. I'm so grateful for her health and happiness and for the love and support I get from Malcolm. Seeing him with Peyton melts my heart and I'm beyond thankful she has such a great dad.

I know this is sappy and lovey dovey, but these are the moments I have as a mother. It is an incredible roller coaster of emotions and I hope that by writing them down and remembering them I won't forget how important my family is when life starts to get in the way. My goal is for my family to know how loved and important they are to me. They are my everything.  If at the end of my life, Peyton and Malcolm don't feel like they are the most important things to me, then I have failed. I will not fail.